I don't Know Why This Moon Has Turned Red???

I don’t know why this moon has turned red. I loved this moon. I loved it white with some black patches. Nobody tells me the reason why it has turned red. My friends told me that its your fault, agreed. But when i try to understand the truth, this FM radio has all the nonsense songs to play. It distracts me. What should i believe in? In me or in what others say to believe in? I know I am being very personal, but what should i do. I thought correcting somebody's mistake might help me. Now my friends will ask what help you need. Hello, i am human too...

I know your problems are obviously greater than mine, and I understand that. But this moon still wants me to be blamed. I still don’t understand why it has turned red. May be some astrological reason. But my friends say it’s me. I watch her every night, every moment. I love to have an eye on her. I am not being possessive. It’s just love, or care i do. Or may be over care.. I am sorry my dear.

 Some say that you fear me. But why? Nobody has an answer for my question. Did i do something wrong..? Was loving you my mistake? Or you gave me that much space in your life. If yes, then why do you want me to be blamed? Please my dear moon, tell me what was the problem..? All you need is to speak. I will listen to you. I have done everything what you needed. I tried to make you a little strong. I wanted to you to be confident when you are alone. I know you look bigger than stars and you are closer than sun. You have all the reason to be in everybody's heart. But my dear why do you forget that people only love to watch only two phases of the moon. And the worst part is that you will fade out someday. And you will be left with nobody to love. All I wanted was, that you understand this. Still you turned red, was that my mistake?

These are not the only problems of my life.

See today is a dark moon night. I could not see you today. I know you were there somewhere. Its dark in here and it will be forever. I know you are not there still i want to know the reason why you turned red.

 After so many days of thinking, all i want to say is SORRY. I know we can’t be together anymore.

All i wished is that somebody listen to my problems too... Life is totally unexpected. You think of getting something and all you get is a dark moon. My best buddy once said there is no market for sorrow. People won’t listen to your problems, they don’t want to know what made YOU so rude. All they want to speak about, is there problems. As i said, i understand, your problems are bigger than mine. Wish i could say my problems, i can’t. Because i know you don’t listen, you have greater problems to face, why would you listen mine.

Recently, I received a call from a family friend, he said beta (son), there will be nobody to help you, and "koi kisi ka nahi hota, na beta ma ka hota he na baap bete ka"(he says life is big, nobody has time to care for anyone. Not even the only son will care for the parents). Literally I did not understand what he actually had in his mind. But he later said (by changing the topic): you should go to Mumbai. You can stay at our house. (f**k man) I suddenly had a small flash back. I had nothing to say.

I realised, this is my mistake. I did what he did to me. Yes, may be my friends are right and this may be the reason you turned red. But when i saw you again why did you said I changed. Yes, I have changed. Now I don’t care why you turned red. I don’t care if my friends blame me anymore. I am free today, but still not happy. But i know you won’t turn red anymore. I still can’t stop watching you. I still want to see you happy and smiling. But do not underestimate, this time I won’t let anyone blame me for anything. I won’t give you a chance to say that it’s my fault…

Now all I want is to be alone. Actually I will be alone now on. But nobody can stop me watching you. I know it will hurt me a lot but I am sure, you won’t be hurt, at least from my mistakes.

But one thing I will always have in my mind is "WHY DID THE MOON TURNED RED...???".

Bitter chocolates

Background : the protagonist (krupa) belongs to a middle class family. Both her parents are working and work hard to make ends meet. But in the hussle-bussle of life they aren’t able to take time for their only child whom they love so dearly!! Parents generally depend on others to take care of the child

Main protagonist (krupa) : 11-12 years of age. Innocent, quiet, naïve, frightened, socially withdrawn, lacks confidence, finds difficult to talk to people…

-avoids eye contacts

-doesn’t express herself,even not to parents or friends

-spends time playing alone

Uncle (Akash) about 35 years of age

Appears decent, caring, loving, pampers the child, spends money on her. Has good terms with parents. Visits their home often

-confident and convincing

-always smiling

-adores the kid. Calls her his favorite

Father : early 30’s

Caring, concerned , loving, cool, finds solace in his family, is fond of the child. Tries to strike a conversation with child, fails usually

Mother : worried about the child’s behavior, doesn’t trust her, cant take out enough time for her. Frustrated due to her social conditions.

(Sometime in the evening)

She sat alone, absorbed in her thoughts. Too numb to feel anything. She knew what had happened was wrong, ugly but she couldn’t understand what was it!! She felt dirty, guilty, ashamed.

She needed someone to talk to, someone to tell what was happening to her. But this was bound to be kept secret… otherwise he might tell her parents!!

It was a while later she heard the doorbell ringing. Unwillingly, she sat up and went to open the door for her parents. She subsided her feelings so that she could confront them, an art she had learned over time… she had tornados swirling inside her but now she knew how to appear cool.

She took her doll with her, which was the only object she could cling to.

Now since her parents were home, she felt more secured and confident.

Her dad hugged her and Krupa could barely manage to hold back her tears. She looked at him with a silent cry of help. He knew there was something wrong but couldn’t figure out what!!

“how was the school” he asked

“as usual, nothing new”

“did you do your home work?”

“no, not yet… but I ll do it later” Krupa was so taken into herself that’s he almost forgot she had homework

“what would you like to have for dinner?” asked her mom

“nothing, I am not hungry” said Krupa. She wasn’t hungry… she just wanted to run away. She just wanted a way out of this desolate abyss!!

“did Akash uncle drop by to see you?” asked her mom

And the name flared up the emotions she had buried deep down her soul. She nodded her head.

“must be him who got so many chocolates for her. He is going to spoil the child” Krupa heard her mother saying over her back. She was going to her room, in the world of her own.

“he mustn’t do it. We cant pay him back ever to what he doing for us” said her father with gratitude.

But her parents were too ignorant of the fact that the chocolates laid there all evening…unwrapped!!

They sat on the dinner table. She wasn’t much interested in eating. It was only out of their routine she had to sit on the dinner table when clock stroke 9. Her parents were worried about getting the roof repaired, getting the lawn mowed, paying electricity bills. She knew that her interference was neither required nor entertained.

She ate some bits and hid others which she would eventually throw away.

She went to bed

She was afraid, lying alone there, the darkness following her. The ugly, shameful darkness.

She always kept a scissor besides her to hush away the monsters of her nightmares… but even that wont help now. She felt helpless. She had thought of all the ways out. May be ending her own life would help…it was her own fault after all

--flashback—

“you are so beautiful…those red roses of your cheeks” and he kissed her. “does that feel good” “cause you feel so good to me, almost heavenly” and he touched her further.

“this is our one little secret. You know you are my favorite kid and I can’t afford to loose you.” He said with an ugly mocking smile. “you ll better listen to your uncle if you want those chocolates and toys…or ill tell your parents what a little slut you are”

She woke up with a start. Drenched in sweat. Feeling like a trash. Watching the darkness cover her. But she had no where to run to, no one to speak to. She sobbed and sobbed until dawn.

Next day at school.

Midst the cacophony of school, she walked alone… slowly, aware of the darkness that would follow her. She was too naive to talk to anybody. Too quiet. Too guilty.

She dint hear people making fun of her. It didn’t offend her anymore. She quietly walked in the class, engrossed in her thoughs.

She couldn’t concentrate what was going on in the class. She had given in. she dint even know when she picked up her pen and started sketching something unconsciously on the paper. Until suddenly she heard her name being called over her shoulder.

Her teacher was watching her sketch. Horrified. Fixed!!

Teacher and kid alone in the class

Krupa sobbed and sobbed, unable to tell anything. Her teacher wanted her to confide everything. She was certain of what the child was undergoing. She was concerned and wanted to help.

“its our little secret” kept coming to Krupa’s mind. She was afraid that her teacher might fail her and tell her parents, making the matter worse. Moreover, she was afraid that her parents would hold her responsible of everything that happened to her.

But she couldn’t take it anymore. She told everything… about being abused when her parents had gone working.

--flashback—

Doorbell rings

Krupa opened the door an saw her uncle with lots of chocolates in his hand and a mocking smile on his lips.

She stood appalled, aware of the consequences.

Akash entered the house and locked the door. He made himself comfortable on the couch. He asked Krupa to come near him.

She was so afraid and knew that saying no wasn’t an option. Her soul was torn, her eyes crying for help. She wanted to run away. Instead she clung tightly to her doll.

He took the doll from her and made her sit on his lap, fondling her. She felt uncomfortable.

He smiled and kissed her on her cheek.

“you are so beautiful…those red roses of your cheeks” and he kissed her. “does that feel good” “cause you feel so good to me, almost heavenly” and he touched her further.

“this is our one little secret. You know you are my favorite kid and I can’t afford to loose you.” He said with an ugly mocking smile. “you ll better listen to your uncle if you want those chocolates and toys…or ill tell your parents what a little slut you are”

She stood there too numb while her uncle left. She could still feel his touch. She felt dirty to her soul. No matter how she washed herself, there was something too ugly that remained.

*NARRATOR*

Abuse changes your life… fight back and change the life of your abuser by breaking your silence. It is important to talk about it. You raise awareness. But you can also prevent it by not letting it be a secret.

Your child can be abused by anyone… “anyone”. Listen to your child. Have faith in her.

Abusing casts a lifetime shadow on the person. Don’t let a moment’s misfortune mold the future of your child. Please listen to your child.

47% of the girls face abuse sometime in their life… mainly between the age of 11 to 16.

So far there is not a single law aimed at safeguarding children and protecting them against abuse!!